August 30, 2018
I call this Quietly Seething because this is often what I am doing. These are my internal thoughts that run constantly through my head like a voiceover but cannot be said out loud. My head is often a dark place but hopefully this will allow me to extricate these thoughts from my head in a productive way, sunlight being the best disinfectant and all that.
I say quietly seething because most people don’t notice what is happening underneath the surface (as a sidebar, people do not pay nearly the attention to you that you think they do. Nor are they as observant as you give them credit for). I am quiet, an introvert. I don’t often speak my mind for a myriad of reasons, which vary day to day. These include but are not limited to: I don’t feel that my opinion is wanted, it is apparent that my words won’t change anyone’s mind, I don’t feel the need repeat my thoughts if the same thing has already been said, I’m tired, and/or I find you annoying. To most people I am a bitch or, to the more generous of my acquaintances, I have a classic case of RBF. For those that know me or are particularly observant, however, it is absolutely transparent what is going on in my mind. Maybe not the exact thoughts but the emotions at the very least. But these things left unsaid eat away at me.
To some extent it is my way of rebelling. People can have their opinion on everything physically apparent about me, and oh how they do, but they can’t have an opinion on something they don’t know, can’t see, or aren’t willing to discern. I have nothing but appreciation for free speech but does it always need to be exercised? No. People take for granted that things can be left unsaid. Maybe this is just a naïve introvert’s perspective, but not every opinion needs to be aired. Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should. Or need to.
So that’s why I’m here. You can read this. You can not read this. These are my thoughts and I’m putting them down in words instead of shouting them in someone’s face. I think there’s beauty in that and I hope you do too.